A Man's World

"When you can’t be with the one you love - you let yourself go. You settle for someone who is wrong for you and somewhere deep down you know it. May be you want to punish yourself for not being with the one you love and subconsciously you give in to the society's pressures and settle down with someone who will harm you and will make you suffer. 

You make sure that you will never be happy by choosing someone who will hurt you. 

Don’t ever settle; It kills you inside every day for the rest of your life."

This is what a lesbian told me about her marriage to a straight man. The gay world comes with a lot of hardships but is it more hard for lesbians ? Because Let's Face it - it is a man's world that we live in.

 A lot of lesbians don’t have the courage or the luxury to fight. They have to succumb to society’s pressure and marry a man, sometimes for their family and sometimes for society.  A study conducted by CDC in 2010 said that Bisexual women are twice as likely to be victims of domestic violence than straight women. 

We as a society should stop ourselves and ask, is this is what you mean by traditional marriage ? denying some one their chance to happiness by forcing them to settle in a sham marriage ? By giving them away to the hands of brute men who believe that they are not man enough for their woman and so she is "CHOOSING" to be with a women. When society as a whole cannot understand why people are gay, how can we expect these misogynistic men to understand the complexities of coming out ? 

Watching two women make out can arouse a straight man but if their wife is gay they cannot accept it. If their wife finally finds the courage to come out of the closet and leave them to be truly happy - their pride gets hurt and what do they do ?  they resort to what they know best - violence. 

When the world thinks of lesbians - the picture that comes to their head is that of two hot women making out or butch angry women. But the real picture is something ugly and shameful which they don't want to acknowledge. 

When will this stop ? 

PS: The women who gave me that advice is now happily married to her partner and they have a beautiful family.

 Just another happy family

(This picture is from pride parade not the one i talk about in the post)

How Change Happens

People who were in USA experienced something historic in March. The Supreme Court heard arguments in two cases which could decide whether same sex marriage is legal all over America. In those two days something unprecedented happened. I woke up that week and when I logged on Facebook I saw that almost all my friends had changed their profile picture to a red equal sign. My Facebook feed, my friends list and my posts were all a sea of red. Later I realized that Human Rights campaign has posted that image on their Facebook page and asked supporters to change their profile picture to that red equal sign to show support to marriage equality. Little did anyone know that within 2 days that image had gone viral and a majority of people both gay and straight had their profiles changed to that red equal sign.

It was a very small act, it was not going to influence the Supreme court’s decision on how they are going to rule. But what it did to people like me and thousands of other LGBT people was that it showed that the world has changed. It is becoming a better place for everyone to live. For a young man from India who had no idea what gay meant when I was growing up, confused and scared, this small act meant a lot. Today kids growing in various of parts of the world grow up knowing acceptance and love. They are growing up realizing that people are fighting for some minority about whom people felt shy even to talk about a few years ago. If I was a scared gay kid still in the closet and was feeling hopeless and one day just logged on into my Facebook profile and saw that red equal sign among all of my contacts, it would have meant that I don’t have to be afraid anymore. It would have meant that those people in my friend list were going to accept me for who I am and still love me.

The arguments in the Supreme Court against same sex marriage were absolutely ridiculous to anyone watching it. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg delivered a blow when she questioned the lawyer arguing against same sex marriage when she asked how can you say that same sex couples are treated equal when they are being denied almost 1100 benefits which their straight counterparts have through marriage making gay marriage seem like skim milk marriage, an analogy which is going to stick for a while. When the opposition said that marriage is for procreation, Justice Elena Kagan made a remark asking that, “ … in this country, straight people over the age of 55 are allowed to get married. But I do not see any children coming out of their marriages. So how can you say that marriage is for Procreation?” There was a moment even when Justice Anthony Kennedy the more conservative justice said, “There are some 40,000 same sex couples raising children in California. This injustice is causing a direct harm to those children by saying that your parents cannot get married.”

Whatever the ruling is going to be; those arguments proved that opponents didn’t have a compelling argument against marriage equality other than immense dislike towards gay people. All over the news here in USA was filled with news about those historic Supreme Court arguments. A recent poll came out saying that majority of Americans support Marriage Equality and most importantly 80% of young people less than the age of 30 support marriage equality. Literally the opposition for same sex marriage is dying, it is comprised of old people.  A majority of senators were falling over themselves to change their stance and said they support marriage equality.

This monumental change in the minds of Americans came not by political power or some magic. It came because gay people came out and told their stories. Today everyone here knows someone who is gay; so this issue is something that is personal to them. Gay people have come out and have put a human face to gay rights. These are not some third person issue for many people.  Gays are everywhere, we are doctors and engineers; farmers and teachers and construction workers. We are their sons and daughters; fathers and mothers and their neighbors. Once they know that we don’t have horns and we are just like them it moves people to accept us and makes them stand with us and fight for us.

Forty years ago Thea Spyer and Edith Windsor got engaged but Edie could not wear a ring because she was in the closet. So she wore a circle of diamonds as a pin on her coat every day for the rest of her life. Last month eighty three year old widow Edith Windsor stood on the steps of the highest court in her country and said, “Today, I am an out lesbian who just sued the United States of America and it is kind of overwhelming for me.”

This change happened because of ordinary gay people who started coming out and in that process changed the world.

Rachel Maddow summed it up nicely in her news segment calling it a historic week for gay rights.

“When you walk out under the night and look up you are seeing some stars that are relatively close up … but you are also seeing some very far way stars; stars whose light comes from so far away to get to us that it is pretty old light by the time it gets to us; so old that the star that made that light might actually be gone by the time you are seeing  it. what you are actually seeing is the imprint of something that has long gone.

There are all sorts of people and all sorts of fights that technically are not still around. But those fights live, and we can see them. We can see their light in some of the biggest-deal and most difficult things that we do today. Whether or not you see equal rights for gay people as your particular fight–whether or not you even agree with that particular fight–this was a really big historic week for that fight, and therefore for our country. All the work, all the generations of work to get here, in fact, - got us here. It worked.”

That is what I ask all of our people. Please don’t think about the consequences; please don’t think about the results, but fight; Fight with the knowledge that the light of your fight will live long enough even after you are gone. Know that we stand on the side of justice and equality and our fight is actually changing the world; saving lives of so many of us. Our fight will still be there when we are gone knocking on people’s heart and appealing to their humanity and still changing the world.

 I so wish, this happens in India too because it would change some other kids life. 

Searching for the land over the Rainbow

I am sure every gay person has heard of Judy Garland’s, “somewhere over the rainbow” the gay anthem of all time. It is an anthem because it talks about a land where the dreams that we dared to dream - really do come true.

We all are searching for that land over the rainbow not realizing that we are being driven to exile from our own mother lands.

It pains me to be an outsider.

It pains me that your own family will never accept you for who you are. It pains me to think that I can never return to the place I was born and raised. The small town where I grew up and spent most of my life is out of bounds to me. The place which I still call home will never be a home for me because of who I am. I still resent those small minded people who care mostly about what others think than live happily.  It pains me to think that because of those people I will never be back home.

The truth is I still love that small town, the town where I grew up. That is where my childhood is. Sure, I do wish I was born in a much progressive place where I did not have to hide who I was. But even beyond all that resentment that small town is my town. I love those streets where I can walk even with my eyes closed. 

My family is never going to accept me. But before I come out I want to show them the world is changing and may be in my small town I might never live with dignity but there are lots of places in this world where I can be respected, have a family and be happy. I so wish I didn’t have to show them a strange foreign land. I will be in a new city where I may never find another soul to show love and compassion like my family. But I can be myself, part of a crowd, not the different one anymore. I won’t have to look over my shoulders every time I walk to see if there is a familiar face that might recognize me.

It pains me to think that someday in the near future, I will be so afraid to even go out and be in those streets where I played, where I spent my entire life. Yes it was hard and yes it was difficult growing up feeling like the only different person in the world.  As much as I resent it I call that town my home. That small town taught me everything and made me who I am today.

 I know even if I marry the love of my life legally here in America, my relationship has no legal standing in my own country and my town. My kids might never be able to walk those same streets where I grew up and that won’t be because of choice but by compulsion of an ignorant intolerant society which wants to deny people happiness.

And that is what we are seeing happening in France. Even though the government has passed marriage equality, a few have succeeded in harvesting on the people’s despair over the ruling government’s failure to control the economy and channeled it into a fight against same sex marriage. It’s is just a matter of time before the people see same sex weddings, that they will be ashamed of their fight. In New Zealand when the government legalized same sex marriage, the people watching it broke into a traditional song about love and freedom. It was a poignant moment compared to France.

Even though we don’t understand their language, the song moves us to tears. Because in the end, all of this is about legalizing love and making sure that the next generation of kids can live and walk in the streets of the small towns where their parents lived and fought for their rights. This fight is all about living a normal life where we won’t be chased of out of the towns and streets where we live our whole life to strange countries and cities - just so we can marry the person we love.

It is happening all over the world and it will happen someday even in my own India. Until then we fight hoping that the land was not ‘over the rainbow’ but at our own small towns. 

I Will Not Stop Fighting - Not Now, Not Ever

If I had access to a gun anytime when I was growing up, I would have put that gun to my head and gladly pulled that trigger anytime to save me from the hate that surrounded me.

My earliest memory of bullying is when I was in my fourth grade, when I was barely 9 years old. My peers were a part of day to day taunting but the most scarred event that comes to my mind was not through my fellow students but my teacher - A Christian teacher who came to supervise us for my annual exam. That memory is still too painful to dwell into even two decades later.  I still remember the shame and the humiliation. I ran crying from my annual exam hall to go to my own class teacher. She did not know what to do. I was happy that it was the last day of the school year and I did not have to go back and live through my humiliation again for another 2 months. I didn’t talk about this to anyone else, not even my own family, because it was supposed to be a shameful thing. When I entered my 5^th grade I was dreading which teacher was I going to get again. Well I didn’t get lucky when I got another bible thumper as a teacher who on my first day of fifth grade made sure that everyone else knew that I did not belong in their normal world.

My fifth grade was the worst in my life. I dreaded that monster every time she walked into the class. The whole year I had to endure insults delivered in a matter of fact way, which the other kids picked up and used for the rest of the day. Every day brought a new ordeal and it destroyed my confidence; my childhood; my innocence. There were a lot of good days but the terrible ones were always around the corner. I survived through it. The next year I changed school. The next two years I even forgot the fact that I was different. I was a star student always on top of my class. I was a teacher’s pet and I always made great grades. Then again I changed to another school in my 8^th grade. This time it was merciless and cruel and that was the first time the thought of ending my life came to me for the first time. But I was a coward not to attempt to kill myself and I am happy for that now.

So I went back to my old school when I was in my 9^th grade. This time the kids had matured and they knew a different person when they saw one. The scars of my 9^th grade were so deep that I secretly wished, may be a car will knock me off my bicycle on my way to school and all of this might end. When I entered my 10^th grade that is when I found out that I can fool others into thinking that I was just like them - The normal straight guy. I started changing every ounce of me, the way I walk, the way I talk and the way I think. I was not always successful, but it got a bit better. By my 12^th grade I had figured out another trick, to befriend the popular girl and make others think that there was something between the two of us.  It worked; people were too busy gossiping rather than picking on me or think that I was different.
When I entered college I knew for sure that I was not straight but I didn’t acknowledge it or didn’t want to acknowledge it as I was busy protecting myself again. This time I made sure no one picks on me. I was eighteen and I guess I got clever. I distracted the dumb people around me so that they won’t find out. Again it worked most of the time but there were also a lot of people who saw through my defenses and made sure that they had their fun – just hurting me, sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally. That was the time I also realized that I cannot carry this burden; I cannot live this lie the rest of my life, afraid of every move I make, afraid that someone will find out.  There were times I asked, “find out what?” the most important part of me; the very essence of my being. I realized that I had to leave that horrible small minded town but I was stuck in a college curriculum for six years.

Then one day a miracle happened. When I was nineteen years old, I saw Will and Grace on an English channel. I immediately knew who I was. A sense of relief swept over me. I knew I wasn’t alone in this forsaken world. I could relate more to the people on television than to anyone I had known my entire life. Fear gripped me again; may be my friends will find out about me if they saw WILL AND GRACE. It was also the time that I realized that there is a world out there thousands of miles apart, a land where people like William Truman, people like me – gays; can live with respect and dignity - being their authentic self. It gave me hope and I was determined that whatever happens I will try to make my life in America.

I am here now, in America, the land of dreams. Things haven’t worked out yet but reaching here has given me hope, courage and a new determination to succeed. I am not sure of what will happen next but I am sure of one thing. I will fight till my last breath to achieve the happiness that is due to me. This time I will fight for everyone like me who are trapped in their own mother land surrounded by hate. I will make sure that I will do my part to give them hope.

If this world in all its glory makes a nine year old kid so scared that he fears getting up from his bed and face a new day each morning then there is something horribly wrong with this world. If this world with all its kindness makes an eighth grader contemplate ending his life just because of who he is then there is something horrendously wrong with this world. If this world with all its empathy kills the innocence of a kid and makes him carry a burden so heavy that he can’t even breath then there is something brutally wrong with this world.  And if this world with all it’s justice wants a reason why that kid is gay rather than accept him for who he is, then there is something morally wrong with this world.

That nine year old is not wrong; that ninth grader is not wrong; and I am not wrong. I am not the sinner and I am not going to be ashamed of who I am. I am gay and I am proud of that.

I am proud of my history - The gay rights movement. We, the gays have overcome discrimination; We, the gays have triumphed the hate; We, the gays have shattered myths and prejudices. We, the gays have survived a plague.  We will not stop fighting until every kid who is different feels safe. We will not stop until every innocence is cherished. We will not stop until every life is valued. We will not stop fighting - not now, not ever.
I will not stop fighting - not now, not ever.

The Average Homosexuals Journey for Justice and Equality

"We, the people, declare today that the most evident of truths -- that all of us are created equal -- is the star that guides us still, just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall."

President Barack Obama, Second Inaugural Speech, January 21, 2013

Every member of the LGBT community who was watching this all over America, including me felt a shock. Gay rights activist and even the most progressive liberals were astounded when President Barack Obama on his second inaugural speech, uttered the word Stonewall in the same breath as Selma and Seneca falls.  To understand why this was historic, some of us need a quick lesson in the battle for civil rights in America.

Seneca falls, New York is the place which is considered to be the birth of women rights movement. This is where in the middle of 19^thcentury women started fighting against oppression and demanded equal rights including the right to vote. It took decades for them to finally earn those rights.

 Selma, Alabama is the place where African American’s civil rights movement reached a new height in 1965. It became a movement which brought to light the likes of Martin Luther King Jr. and many other civil rights leaders. Then came the Washington march where King gave the historic, “I have a dream” speech and it followed some years later with the passage of the civil rights bill, protecting them from discrimination and giving them equal voting rights.

These were the significant moments which fueled the fight against oppression and discrimination.  So was Stonewall.

Stonewall Inn is a gay bar in Christopher street, downtown New York. For a long time it was illegal for bars to serve alcohol to gays. It was illegal for even two men to dance together in a bar not to mention holding hands or kissing. So police used to raid the gay bars any time they want and used to beat up gay people and arrest them. In 1969, June 28 around 3 AM in the morning when the police came to harass gays like always, something unexpected happened.

The gays fought back. All the pent up fury, all the discrimination, humiliation and injustice which they had endured came out and the stonewall riots started. The whole of America realized the fact that even the so called weak outlaws of the society can someday fight back. The level of hatred and homophobia was so high that even the media covered the riots with arrogance and insensitivity. The New York Daily News in 1969 wrote an article with this headline, "Homo Nest Raided, Queen Bees Are Stinging Mad."

Even in this hate filled environment, the Stonewall upraising went on for weeks. This is considered to be the beginning of the gay rights movement. There was a march organized on the one year anniversary of the riots in New York which later on became the Gay Pride Parades which are now conducted all over the world.

 The religious people and the other homophobes are still saying that being gay is a choice and that gay people are not born this way instead they have chosen to commit sin. So their fight is not a civil rights issue, as compared to African Americans who were born black. (Not to mention they opposed everyone who were fighting for their god given equal rights while shamelessly using God’s name.)

Well the argument can go on but the effect is lost now. By equating Stonewall with Seneca Falls and Selma; President Obama affirmed the nation that Gay rights is a civil rights issue. By equating Stonewall with those two pivotal civil rights movements in the history of America he has made sure that he and the majority of Americans believe that the LGBT community is fighting for their civil rights.  But he didn’t stop with that.  He went one step further. Something no President has ever done.

“Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law – for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well.”

I had tears in my eyes when he said that and I wasn’t alone. Every single member of the LGBT community was moved beyond words. The tears were a testimony to our fight for acceptance. Those were not just words but an acknowledgement by a leader towards a community which is ostracized, demonized and still treated as second class by the majority. 

He made history. These words will be quoted for generations to come. 

Inaugural addresses are the stuff made for history books. Similar to 
Franklin D. Roosevelts “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” or 
John F. Kennedys, “ ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country”  President Obama’s monumental statements will be read by the future generations. He pledged that every American and every human being all over the world has to understand that Gay men are created equal and they deserve every right under the law which is bestowed upon their heterosexual counterparts. Their love and commitment is as scared as anyone else's.  

He uttered the word gay in an inaugural address for the first time. He had selected an openly Gay Latino poet to narrate the inaugural poem and a pastor who included gay people during his prayers on that day.  Any leader who is gay friendly usually just name checks or refers to the gay community in an obscure way on a national platform, because of the fact that it might make people uncomfortable. Never has someone spoken out so strongly for the LGBT community and their rights and has vowed to fight for it on this scale. I strongly believe that this wouldn’t be the last time a President will address the gay community on this scale. But Obama will always be remembered as the first to break the silence.

In 1967, two years before Stonewall, CBS a national television addressed homosexuality as a documentary titled THE HOMOSEXUALS in its popular documentary show ‘60 minutes’. It started with the anchor reporting,

The average homosexual, if there be such, is promiscuous. He is not interested or capable of a lasting relationship like that of a heterosexual marriage. His sex life, his love life, consists of a series of one–chance encounters at the clubs and bars he inhabits. And even on the streets of the city — the pick-up, the one night stand, these are characteristics of the homosexual relationship.

That was the first time the American Public was given a glimpse of the so called ‘homosexual lifestyle’. That was the first time people were made aware of the existence of gays. It was so prejudiced that LGBT activists recently called it as the "the single most destructive hour of antigay propaganda in our nation's history."

The one hour documentary which was supposed to educate the public about homosexuals, ended with these lines.

 The dilemma of the homosexual: told by the medical profession he is sick; by the law that he's a criminal; shunned by employers; rejected by heterosexual society. Incapable of a fulfilling relationship with a woman, or for that matter with a man. At the center of his life he remains anonymous. A displaced person. An outsider.

Today Anderson Cooper, an openly gay man is one of the anchors of that same 60 minutes show, which branded the likes of him as a displaced outsider.  It’s hard to imagine that 40 years ago this was telecast on a national television and this was the opinion of the majority of American Public.  Not to mention it is still the opinion among the Indian public.  

 But I have hope. As President Obama said, change doesn’t happen because of Washington or politicians. It happens because of ordinary people who have the courage to fight against all odds.  I have hope that it won’t take another 40 years for an Indian Prime Minister to stand on a national platform to speak for our rights. Because we, the ordinary gays and lesbians, will bring the fight to the society, we will fight the prejudice, we will shatter the myths and we will educate the public.  As Harvey milk once said, “If they get to know us, they can never hate us.”  We will make sure that they know us. You and me, we will bring equality and justice.

2012 – The Year of Gay Rights

People said when 2012 started that the world is going to end this year. But it was the hate mongers world that ended this year. 2012 is going to go down in history as the year of gay civil rights.

Even though there were a lot of victories for LGBT rights in 2011, I consider US secretary of State, Hillary Clinton’s United Nations speech, declaring “Gay rights are human rights and human rights are gay rights” in front of the entire world (including some homophobic leaders) as THE moment for LGBT community. (If any of you haven’t checked it out yet, it’s in YouTube, please do)

But 2012 was very different. Let’s start at my home. In India a lot of the metropolitan cities organized gay pride parades successfully. Though Indian government and the Supreme Court had a chance to be on the right side of history, they pretty much screwed it up. But America and Europe didn’t.

America proved once again, it is the pioneer in LGBT civil rights. The year started on a low note but ended with a bang.

In February, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie vetoed a bill to legalize gay marriage, which was even approved by his state legislators. In May, North Carolina banned gay marriage in their state by an overwhelming majority. Chick- Fil-A, a famous fast food chain’s president attacked gay marriage but was supported by a lot of haters. So did a lot of religious pastors, some of them even said that gays and lesbians should be put inside an electrified fence and left to die. But other than that the year was pretty good for gay Americans.

The biggest moment came when the world’s most powerful President, Barack Obama came out in support of full equality for LGBT community along with Gay Marriage. He ran on a pro-gay platform against everyone’s opinion that it might harm his chances of re-election, and still got re-elected. It was in stark contrast to the Republican candidate Mitt Romney and his party which ran on a predominantly anti-gay platform. They wanted to amend the American constitution to ban gay people from marrying. In Rachel Maddow’s word “the republicans got shellacked and they never saw it coming”.

People said this was the gayest election ever. Till now any state or country which had legalized gay marriage had done it through courts or elected representatives. After losing in 30 states, for the first time in history, millions of people from four states in America said, ‘Enough is enough; no one should stop loving committed same sex couples from marrying’. Maryland -with a large African-American population (who are mostly anti-gay), Maine -which four years ago banned gay marriage, and the state of Washington; all legalized gay marriage through popular vote at the ballot. In Minnesota, a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage got defeated by the people. All of this happened even when the homophobic religious organizations spearheaded by the Vatican tried so hard to stop it.

Every anti-gay, anti-abortion candidate lost, with the exceptions of a few. (The anti-gay Michelle Bachmann who wanted to run for the presidential election barely held on to her senate seat in Minnesota). America elected a record number of openly gay candidates to office, along with Tammy Baldwin, who became the first openly gay person to win a senate seat, the highest seat in the country. A measure to remove the judge who legalized gay marriage in Iowa got defeated and the judge kept his seat.

It was not only a year of celebration but a year of justice too. Hate crime laws which are used to prosecute homophobic persons for harming a person just because they are gay, saw its first prosecution. Tyler Clementi, a college freshman who committed suicide because his roommate filmed him having sex with a man, got justice. The room-mate Dharun Ravi was an Indian origin student who was found guilty on many counts including invasion of privacy and bias intimidation.

Around the world gay rights achieved remarkable progress. Great Britain and France has two remarkable Prime Ministers fighting a strong opposition raised by the homophobic Vatican and their churches. They are still strongly going forward with their plans to legalize gay marriage in their respective countries. And it looks like Australia and Uruguay are not far behind.

Spain’s highest court refused to repeal gay marriage which is already in existence. In Mexico the Supreme Court unanimously decided to make gay marriages legal all over the country. Denmark’s parliament and four states in Brazil legalized same sex marriage. Italy’s highest civil court said that homosexuals have the right to “a family life” and, “in specific situations,” to “be treated the same as couples married by law”. Despite hostility and police arrests, Uganda held its first pride festival in August and concluded it with a pride walk.Miss Universe Canada, Jenna Talackova was disqualified from taking part in the Miss Universe beauty pageant for being a transgendered woman. However, after an international outcry, the organizers allowed her to take part in the contest, though she couldn’t win it.

In Russia this year, gay rights met a major setback when the government passed a law to ban people from talking about homosexuality in the public. Queer icons, Madonna and Lady Gaga came to the rescue. Both defied the law in their concerts held in Russia and asked the crowd to stand up for gay rights. The anti-gay lobby filed a law suit against Madonna, which was thrown out by the Russian court amid hilarious arguments from the other side.

Everywhere you turned there were openly gay people. They ruled the media. The voice of reason, Rachel Maddow, MSNBC’s prime time news anchor and CNN’s Anderson Cooper, the most prominent news anchor of this generation were covering the election. Nate Silver, a gay statistician correctly predicted the presidential election to the very last seat. Even in India a few movies (Student of the Year, English Vinglish) and TV shows started addressing gay relationships and gay people respectfully.

A lot of celebrities came out in a matter of fact way. Frank Ocean (hip-hop artist – MTV’s man of the year), Matt Bomer (the hot lead from White Collar and Magic Mike, who has a partner and 3 kids), Jim Parson (the hugely popular Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, who has a long time partner of 10 years), Andrew Rennells (from The New Normal and HBO’s Girls), Lana Wachowski ( Matrix director and writer, who came out as a transgender woman), Sam Champion (the weather man from the popular Good Morning America, who got married to his boyfriend this December),Orlando Cruz (the feather weight boxer from Puerto Rico) and of course CNN’s Anderson Cooper all came out as gay and nothing happened to their career. They joined already out and successful stars like talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris (Barney Stinson of How I Met your Mother, who has a partner and has twins), Jesse Tyler Ferguson ( Mitch of Modern Family who got engaged to his boyfriend this year), Zachary Quinto (Heroes and Star Trek), Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch of Glee. The taboo of being gay and successful was broken!

The American Psychiatric Association decided to remove being transgender as a mental illness this year. The 2012 London Olympics saw a lot of openly gay athletes and a lot of them went home with medals.  Nepal this year organized a sports event specifically for LGBT population. Google launched “legalize love”, a campaign to support LGBT safety and equality in workplace in Poland and Singapore and are planning to spread all over the world, including countries where anti-gay sentiments run high. Facebook added gay marriage icons to its web page when one of its founders, Chris Hughes married his boyfriend this summer. Every major company including Amazon, Microsoft, Walt Disney, Ford, UPS, Pepsi, Target, Macy’s, General Mills, Starbucks, P&G, JC Penny, Levi’s and countless others came out in support of LGBT equality. (Make sure you are buying their products.)

The year ended with US Supreme Court making a decision to hear the so called Defense of marriage act, which prohibits US government from recognizing gay marriage and the Prop 8 case (voter approved ban of gay marriage in California.) If won, it might make gay marriage legal all over America.

There is a lot to hope for and fear for in 2013. Like Kill the Gays Bill in Uganda’s Parliament and the forever enemy of LGBT community – the Pope. He has taken anti-gay messages to a new level by condemning gay marriage even in his yearly message of so called ‘Peace’, calling us a threat to peace and saying that we live in a different reality. But don’t worry friends; he is just an angry old man who is fighting a losing battle.

Tell your friends; tell your families not to fear for us. Gays are successful in every profession. When your friend takes out an iPhone tell him the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook is gay. Every major company has gay employees at their top positions. If someone is looking at stock market, tell him the Wall Street is controlled by gays. If they talk about Harvard, Yale or any other top university, tell them every fourth guy there is gay. If they talk about astronauts, tell them that Sally Field, the first woman to go to Space was a lesbian. Yes it’s true; we haven’t even left the space. We are everywhere and from 2013 we will run the world.

Gay or Straight, You Can Make It in America

One of my friends was really sad and angry with Obama's win. He and me both are at the same stage of our life with almost similar credentials who have applied for a skilled professional job here. He noticed I was happy and said," Dude, you do realize that you and I have everything to lose because of this." I did realize that. I did have everything to lose except one thing. I can't tell him what that was.
Yeah, my future looks bleak, my chances of succeeding in America are going down and it's true that I may even have to drop all my endeavors and go back to India. I am not an American, I had no vote and I had nothing to do with the Presidential election but I feel happy. I feel validated. Because this was a victory for human rights. A man has won, who respects human rights and who wants everyone to have the same rights no matter who you love. He has won in a land where people have started to respect the differences and have started to realize that this is how history is going to roll.

I am happy to be here to see history in the making. All four ballot measures on gay rights emerged victorious. Millions of people in those states setting an example to the rest of America and to the entire world on acceptance. My future may not look good, but the president summed it up nicely about what I should feel, in his victory speech.

"Gay or Straight, you can make it America "

It felt like he talked to me personally. I know I haven't been optimistic or hopeful about my future in the past but now I want to make it in America and I am going to try for it. Thank you Mr.President, though you are not my President literally. But I wish you were. 

I don't know what your reasons are, but You made this world a much better place to live for people like me. 

Are gay men not interested in Equality anymore ?

Though my time in America has been limited, I am left with this doubt. Whether gay men are really interested in Marriage Equality or any other gay rights issue ? I have met and talked with some people and also chatted with a lot of people online. But whenever I bring up issues relating to same sex marriage or any other gay rights issue they are actually not that interested. This may be because I met with the wrong people or the wrong type, but still isn't it our moral duty as a gay man to at least have a bit of passion.
Of course everyone has an opinion but what is missing is the enthusiasm. There are four states with gay marriage on the ballot, but  most of the guys can't even name what those four states are.

Usually guys from New York and Chicago are the only guys that I have talked with. Some say that it is because people there have had a good "gay" life. I thought at first may be it was because they have never been discriminated or bullied. But that is not the case. Every gay person has gone through at least on episode where people have hurt them either intentionally and sometimes accidentally  In most cases, people have gone through even severe bullying.

Why then, is there this nonchalance ? Is it because all these mattered to them when they were in the closet or is it because they were discriminated a long time ago that they forgot. Once they came out of the closet they really cared about these issues but now these are not the impending issues to them anymore.

One guy said Romney is evil another one said,  "sure Obama should win and but what I want is the election to be over soon." These are some of the responses that I got and it will tell you how much people were interested in these issues. And also there are those group of gay republicans who say equality is not a major concern now and there are things bigger than that.

I seriously can't understand. Someone wants to deny you the very basic right of your life, to be considered equal. And the reason they point out is because you love someone and people think that it's not the priority.

I want to believe that this is because I have been hanging out with the wrong crowd but there is a tiny voice in my head that says, even for that crowd shouldn't this be the priority ?
May be Romney should win and once he questions the rights gays already have and starts validating their marriages and relationships based on his church imposed ideals, may be then people will get riled up about gay rights.

Hope and It's Implications

Harvey Milk said,
“I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you...And you...And you...Gotta give em hope.”
 Not everyone has the courage to fight but everyone can hope. Hope for a better future, hope for a life with respect, hope to be considered as equals and hope that someday whom they love will not be a concern for others. But for millions around the world, even hope is a luxury that they can't afford to have. If they do hope, they are considered to be deluded and not in touch with reality. But according to me, hoping for something that is never going to happen in their lifetime is not worth hoping for. Hope is overrated.
I have developed this obsession for the past 8 to 9 months since my first trip to America. Every night before I go to bed I type "Gay Marriage" in google news and read through most of the news articles that come up. Ninety percent of what comes up is from America. I have been doing that almost every day for the past 9 months and I have been following the progress that is happening. Because that is the only relief you get when you are trapped in a place where discrimination and homophobia have an unopposed reign.
It's been less than a month since I am back in America but my hope is slowly dwindling away. When Americans make magnificent strides in gay rights, it gives something to hold on, for the millions tucked away in the many corners of the world. If you do not make those strides and if you are willing to let the stubborn ignorant guys dictate on what your marriage is and what rights you can have, then there is little prospect for progress all over the world.
Please don't give up now, we are counting on you. Start the conversation and vote for hope.

Gay Marriage - A Fight for Love

I am Gay. Whoa, it does feel liberating to say that. To be honest, I am yet to say that out loud. Yup, I am still in the closet. I am a guy in his mid twenties trying to pursue the American Dream, to be precise, the gay American dream. Before you start judging, let me tell you something about my self. I am from India, right now in America trying to figure out my life.

I am writing this at a very troubling time. It is less than two weeks to the Presidential Election and at this point it seems Mitt Romney has a fair chance of becoming the next President and it scares the hell out of me. Also four states have gay marriage issue on the ballot along with the election. I am not an expert but from my perspective I can tell you that if Romney becomes the President, human rights is going to hit an obstacle that is as stiff as his demeanor.
Don't assume that I oppose Romney for his so called "conservative" principles. I understand where he comes from, as I am from a deeply religious and conservative society in India where people are reluctant to accept the changes that are happening around them. They want to cling to their past and justify their choices by finding excuses from scriptures. They would rather be on the wrong side of history before they accept that they are wrong.
In India people who preach Christianity use to say this, "Please don't look at Christians, look at Christ and embrace him". I am not a christian but I always considered myself to be a pretty tolerant person. But since I arrived here in America my tolerance is taking its toll.
I was in one of the bible states during my last trip this summer and I met so many nice and pleasant people there. If you go for a walk strangers on the path used to exchange pleasantries which put me in awe. I wouldn't say Indians are bad at heart but we don't bother with pleasantries to strangers. The hot weather and crowd makes it really difficult for people to be nice to strangers, everyone just wants to finish their work and go home. Well I was really impressed by how polite people where.

For a bunch of polite people they turned out to be really judgmental. The Marriage Amendment to define marriage between a man and a woman was on the ballot in May and people immediately started taking sides. I couldn't find even a single soul which was okay with giving that right to gays and it did pass with an overwhelming majority. The next day people were again irritatingly pleasant and I figured that I would rather take the rude Indians or New Yorkerers for that matter, who are actually good at their heart than be with people who hide behind their mask of politeness.
Why can't these pleasant people look at their Christ rather than at their Christian pastors who are actually preaching people to be judgemental. Even Obama coming out in support of same sex marriage wouldn't help you much if you were surrounded by people who were willing to deny you the right to happiness.
On my last day when I was questioning my intentions of coming to America if people are going to be this narrow minded, I met this wonderful person. She was a conservative woman in her early seventies, completely independent who was living a fulfilling life. She was actually an Indian woman living in America for the past 30 years. We started talking and there was a wide hatred for Obama all around the place where I was. So I steered clear of sensitive topics as I didn't want to be lectured about politics or conservative ideas on my last day. Because believe me, old souls in India are really adamant about their opinions and will never look at your perspective. But she actually ventured into the topic as she asked me did I like America. I said, yeah people here are really polite.
She said, "Yes they are but I am actually not happy with them right now. I work in a hospital and I see so much hatred in the form of negligence, domestic abuse and sometimes just couples without any love between them. When I see these people having the option of marriage but still not valuing for what it is, it troubles me. I have been married for the past 45 years but I lost my husband 5 years ago. I know what marriage means. Even now in India a woman is only respected if she is married and leads a life of fidelity and respect. I know times have changed but majority of Indian men still don't confine themselves to these same standards. But here I see two men who love each other fighting for a right to marry to lead the exact same life of fidelity and respect. But people are still willing to deny them that because of their misconceived perception of what marriage means. I think these people should look at our Indian society and Indian men should learn from gays here. Me and a lot of my neighbors voted against that awful amendment as we don't want to deny that right to anyone who yearns for it." Even though her ideas were a bit outdated she made sense to me. Eventually I guess acceptance did find me but from a most unlikely source. 

Now in less than two weeks this issue is again on the ballot and I hope people will start thinking about it. Keith Olbermann once said " Your marriage (heterosexual marriage) only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling.
With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?."
When everyone casts their vote, be it for the presidential election or for gay marriage, I hope people do realize that their vote has repercussions all over the world. Every small step America takes towards human rights will give solace and hope to millions all around the world.