2012 – The Year of Gay Rights

People said when 2012 started that the world is going to end this year. But it was the hate mongers world that ended this year. 2012 is going to go down in history as the year of gay civil rights.

Even though there were a lot of victories for LGBT rights in 2011, I consider US secretary of State, Hillary Clinton’s United Nations speech, declaring “Gay rights are human rights and human rights are gay rights” in front of the entire world (including some homophobic leaders) as THE moment for LGBT community. (If any of you haven’t checked it out yet, it’s in YouTube, please do)

But 2012 was very different. Let’s start at my home. In India a lot of the metropolitan cities organized gay pride parades successfully. Though Indian government and the Supreme Court had a chance to be on the right side of history, they pretty much screwed it up. But America and Europe didn’t.

America proved once again, it is the pioneer in LGBT civil rights. The year started on a low note but ended with a bang.

In February, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie vetoed a bill to legalize gay marriage, which was even approved by his state legislators. In May, North Carolina banned gay marriage in their state by an overwhelming majority. Chick- Fil-A, a famous fast food chain’s president attacked gay marriage but was supported by a lot of haters. So did a lot of religious pastors, some of them even said that gays and lesbians should be put inside an electrified fence and left to die. But other than that the year was pretty good for gay Americans.

The biggest moment came when the world’s most powerful President, Barack Obama came out in support of full equality for LGBT community along with Gay Marriage. He ran on a pro-gay platform against everyone’s opinion that it might harm his chances of re-election, and still got re-elected. It was in stark contrast to the Republican candidate Mitt Romney and his party which ran on a predominantly anti-gay platform. They wanted to amend the American constitution to ban gay people from marrying. In Rachel Maddow’s word “the republicans got shellacked and they never saw it coming”.

People said this was the gayest election ever. Till now any state or country which had legalized gay marriage had done it through courts or elected representatives. After losing in 30 states, for the first time in history, millions of people from four states in America said, ‘Enough is enough; no one should stop loving committed same sex couples from marrying’. Maryland -with a large African-American population (who are mostly anti-gay), Maine -which four years ago banned gay marriage, and the state of Washington; all legalized gay marriage through popular vote at the ballot. In Minnesota, a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage got defeated by the people. All of this happened even when the homophobic religious organizations spearheaded by the Vatican tried so hard to stop it.

Every anti-gay, anti-abortion candidate lost, with the exceptions of a few. (The anti-gay Michelle Bachmann who wanted to run for the presidential election barely held on to her senate seat in Minnesota). America elected a record number of openly gay candidates to office, along with Tammy Baldwin, who became the first openly gay person to win a senate seat, the highest seat in the country. A measure to remove the judge who legalized gay marriage in Iowa got defeated and the judge kept his seat.

It was not only a year of celebration but a year of justice too. Hate crime laws which are used to prosecute homophobic persons for harming a person just because they are gay, saw its first prosecution. Tyler Clementi, a college freshman who committed suicide because his roommate filmed him having sex with a man, got justice. The room-mate Dharun Ravi was an Indian origin student who was found guilty on many counts including invasion of privacy and bias intimidation.

Around the world gay rights achieved remarkable progress. Great Britain and France has two remarkable Prime Ministers fighting a strong opposition raised by the homophobic Vatican and their churches. They are still strongly going forward with their plans to legalize gay marriage in their respective countries. And it looks like Australia and Uruguay are not far behind.

Spain’s highest court refused to repeal gay marriage which is already in existence. In Mexico the Supreme Court unanimously decided to make gay marriages legal all over the country. Denmark’s parliament and four states in Brazil legalized same sex marriage. Italy’s highest civil court said that homosexuals have the right to “a family life” and, “in specific situations,” to “be treated the same as couples married by law”. Despite hostility and police arrests, Uganda held its first pride festival in August and concluded it with a pride walk.Miss Universe Canada, Jenna Talackova was disqualified from taking part in the Miss Universe beauty pageant for being a transgendered woman. However, after an international outcry, the organizers allowed her to take part in the contest, though she couldn’t win it.

In Russia this year, gay rights met a major setback when the government passed a law to ban people from talking about homosexuality in the public. Queer icons, Madonna and Lady Gaga came to the rescue. Both defied the law in their concerts held in Russia and asked the crowd to stand up for gay rights. The anti-gay lobby filed a law suit against Madonna, which was thrown out by the Russian court amid hilarious arguments from the other side.

Everywhere you turned there were openly gay people. They ruled the media. The voice of reason, Rachel Maddow, MSNBC’s prime time news anchor and CNN’s Anderson Cooper, the most prominent news anchor of this generation were covering the election. Nate Silver, a gay statistician correctly predicted the presidential election to the very last seat. Even in India a few movies (Student of the Year, English Vinglish) and TV shows started addressing gay relationships and gay people respectfully.

A lot of celebrities came out in a matter of fact way. Frank Ocean (hip-hop artist – MTV’s man of the year), Matt Bomer (the hot lead from White Collar and Magic Mike, who has a partner and 3 kids), Jim Parson (the hugely popular Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, who has a long time partner of 10 years), Andrew Rennells (from The New Normal and HBO’s Girls), Lana Wachowski ( Matrix director and writer, who came out as a transgender woman), Sam Champion (the weather man from the popular Good Morning America, who got married to his boyfriend this December),Orlando Cruz (the feather weight boxer from Puerto Rico) and of course CNN’s Anderson Cooper all came out as gay and nothing happened to their career. They joined already out and successful stars like talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris (Barney Stinson of How I Met your Mother, who has a partner and has twins), Jesse Tyler Ferguson ( Mitch of Modern Family who got engaged to his boyfriend this year), Zachary Quinto (Heroes and Star Trek), Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch of Glee. The taboo of being gay and successful was broken!

The American Psychiatric Association decided to remove being transgender as a mental illness this year. The 2012 London Olympics saw a lot of openly gay athletes and a lot of them went home with medals.  Nepal this year organized a sports event specifically for LGBT population. Google launched “legalize love”, a campaign to support LGBT safety and equality in workplace in Poland and Singapore and are planning to spread all over the world, including countries where anti-gay sentiments run high. Facebook added gay marriage icons to its web page when one of its founders, Chris Hughes married his boyfriend this summer. Every major company including Amazon, Microsoft, Walt Disney, Ford, UPS, Pepsi, Target, Macy’s, General Mills, Starbucks, P&G, JC Penny, Levi’s and countless others came out in support of LGBT equality. (Make sure you are buying their products.)

The year ended with US Supreme Court making a decision to hear the so called Defense of marriage act, which prohibits US government from recognizing gay marriage and the Prop 8 case (voter approved ban of gay marriage in California.) If won, it might make gay marriage legal all over America.

There is a lot to hope for and fear for in 2013. Like Kill the Gays Bill in Uganda’s Parliament and the forever enemy of LGBT community – the Pope. He has taken anti-gay messages to a new level by condemning gay marriage even in his yearly message of so called ‘Peace’, calling us a threat to peace and saying that we live in a different reality. But don’t worry friends; he is just an angry old man who is fighting a losing battle.

Tell your friends; tell your families not to fear for us. Gays are successful in every profession. When your friend takes out an iPhone tell him the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook is gay. Every major company has gay employees at their top positions. If someone is looking at stock market, tell him the Wall Street is controlled by gays. If they talk about Harvard, Yale or any other top university, tell them every fourth guy there is gay. If they talk about astronauts, tell them that Sally Field, the first woman to go to Space was a lesbian. Yes it’s true; we haven’t even left the space. We are everywhere and from 2013 we will run the world.

Gay or Straight, You Can Make It in America

One of my friends was really sad and angry with Obama's win. He and me both are at the same stage of our life with almost similar credentials who have applied for a skilled professional job here. He noticed I was happy and said," Dude, you do realize that you and I have everything to lose because of this." I did realize that. I did have everything to lose except one thing. I can't tell him what that was.
Yeah, my future looks bleak, my chances of succeeding in America are going down and it's true that I may even have to drop all my endeavors and go back to India. I am not an American, I had no vote and I had nothing to do with the Presidential election but I feel happy. I feel validated. Because this was a victory for human rights. A man has won, who respects human rights and who wants everyone to have the same rights no matter who you love. He has won in a land where people have started to respect the differences and have started to realize that this is how history is going to roll.

I am happy to be here to see history in the making. All four ballot measures on gay rights emerged victorious. Millions of people in those states setting an example to the rest of America and to the entire world on acceptance. My future may not look good, but the president summed it up nicely about what I should feel, in his victory speech.

"Gay or Straight, you can make it America "

It felt like he talked to me personally. I know I haven't been optimistic or hopeful about my future in the past but now I want to make it in America and I am going to try for it. Thank you Mr.President, though you are not my President literally. But I wish you were. 

I don't know what your reasons are, but You made this world a much better place to live for people like me. 

Are gay men not interested in Equality anymore ?

Though my time in America has been limited, I am left with this doubt. Whether gay men are really interested in Marriage Equality or any other gay rights issue ? I have met and talked with some people and also chatted with a lot of people online. But whenever I bring up issues relating to same sex marriage or any other gay rights issue they are actually not that interested. This may be because I met with the wrong people or the wrong type, but still isn't it our moral duty as a gay man to at least have a bit of passion.
Of course everyone has an opinion but what is missing is the enthusiasm. There are four states with gay marriage on the ballot, but  most of the guys can't even name what those four states are.

Usually guys from New York and Chicago are the only guys that I have talked with. Some say that it is because people there have had a good "gay" life. I thought at first may be it was because they have never been discriminated or bullied. But that is not the case. Every gay person has gone through at least on episode where people have hurt them either intentionally and sometimes accidentally  In most cases, people have gone through even severe bullying.

Why then, is there this nonchalance ? Is it because all these mattered to them when they were in the closet or is it because they were discriminated a long time ago that they forgot. Once they came out of the closet they really cared about these issues but now these are not the impending issues to them anymore.

One guy said Romney is evil another one said,  "sure Obama should win and but what I want is the election to be over soon." These are some of the responses that I got and it will tell you how much people were interested in these issues. And also there are those group of gay republicans who say equality is not a major concern now and there are things bigger than that.

I seriously can't understand. Someone wants to deny you the very basic right of your life, to be considered equal. And the reason they point out is because you love someone and people think that it's not the priority.

I want to believe that this is because I have been hanging out with the wrong crowd but there is a tiny voice in my head that says, even for that crowd shouldn't this be the priority ?
May be Romney should win and once he questions the rights gays already have and starts validating their marriages and relationships based on his church imposed ideals, may be then people will get riled up about gay rights.

Hope and It's Implications

Harvey Milk said,
“I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you...And you...And you...Gotta give em hope.”
 Not everyone has the courage to fight but everyone can hope. Hope for a better future, hope for a life with respect, hope to be considered as equals and hope that someday whom they love will not be a concern for others. But for millions around the world, even hope is a luxury that they can't afford to have. If they do hope, they are considered to be deluded and not in touch with reality. But according to me, hoping for something that is never going to happen in their lifetime is not worth hoping for. Hope is overrated.
I have developed this obsession for the past 8 to 9 months since my first trip to America. Every night before I go to bed I type "Gay Marriage" in google news and read through most of the news articles that come up. Ninety percent of what comes up is from America. I have been doing that almost every day for the past 9 months and I have been following the progress that is happening. Because that is the only relief you get when you are trapped in a place where discrimination and homophobia have an unopposed reign.
It's been less than a month since I am back in America but my hope is slowly dwindling away. When Americans make magnificent strides in gay rights, it gives something to hold on, for the millions tucked away in the many corners of the world. If you do not make those strides and if you are willing to let the stubborn ignorant guys dictate on what your marriage is and what rights you can have, then there is little prospect for progress all over the world.
Please don't give up now, we are counting on you. Start the conversation and vote for hope.

Gay Marriage - A Fight for Love

I am Gay. Whoa, it does feel liberating to say that. To be honest, I am yet to say that out loud. Yup, I am still in the closet. I am a guy in his mid twenties trying to pursue the American Dream, to be precise, the gay American dream. Before you start judging, let me tell you something about my self. I am from India, right now in America trying to figure out my life.

I am writing this at a very troubling time. It is less than two weeks to the Presidential Election and at this point it seems Mitt Romney has a fair chance of becoming the next President and it scares the hell out of me. Also four states have gay marriage issue on the ballot along with the election. I am not an expert but from my perspective I can tell you that if Romney becomes the President, human rights is going to hit an obstacle that is as stiff as his demeanor.
Don't assume that I oppose Romney for his so called "conservative" principles. I understand where he comes from, as I am from a deeply religious and conservative society in India where people are reluctant to accept the changes that are happening around them. They want to cling to their past and justify their choices by finding excuses from scriptures. They would rather be on the wrong side of history before they accept that they are wrong.
In India people who preach Christianity use to say this, "Please don't look at Christians, look at Christ and embrace him". I am not a christian but I always considered myself to be a pretty tolerant person. But since I arrived here in America my tolerance is taking its toll.
I was in one of the bible states during my last trip this summer and I met so many nice and pleasant people there. If you go for a walk strangers on the path used to exchange pleasantries which put me in awe. I wouldn't say Indians are bad at heart but we don't bother with pleasantries to strangers. The hot weather and crowd makes it really difficult for people to be nice to strangers, everyone just wants to finish their work and go home. Well I was really impressed by how polite people where.

For a bunch of polite people they turned out to be really judgmental. The Marriage Amendment to define marriage between a man and a woman was on the ballot in May and people immediately started taking sides. I couldn't find even a single soul which was okay with giving that right to gays and it did pass with an overwhelming majority. The next day people were again irritatingly pleasant and I figured that I would rather take the rude Indians or New Yorkerers for that matter, who are actually good at their heart than be with people who hide behind their mask of politeness.
Why can't these pleasant people look at their Christ rather than at their Christian pastors who are actually preaching people to be judgemental. Even Obama coming out in support of same sex marriage wouldn't help you much if you were surrounded by people who were willing to deny you the right to happiness.
On my last day when I was questioning my intentions of coming to America if people are going to be this narrow minded, I met this wonderful person. She was a conservative woman in her early seventies, completely independent who was living a fulfilling life. She was actually an Indian woman living in America for the past 30 years. We started talking and there was a wide hatred for Obama all around the place where I was. So I steered clear of sensitive topics as I didn't want to be lectured about politics or conservative ideas on my last day. Because believe me, old souls in India are really adamant about their opinions and will never look at your perspective. But she actually ventured into the topic as she asked me did I like America. I said, yeah people here are really polite.
She said, "Yes they are but I am actually not happy with them right now. I work in a hospital and I see so much hatred in the form of negligence, domestic abuse and sometimes just couples without any love between them. When I see these people having the option of marriage but still not valuing for what it is, it troubles me. I have been married for the past 45 years but I lost my husband 5 years ago. I know what marriage means. Even now in India a woman is only respected if she is married and leads a life of fidelity and respect. I know times have changed but majority of Indian men still don't confine themselves to these same standards. But here I see two men who love each other fighting for a right to marry to lead the exact same life of fidelity and respect. But people are still willing to deny them that because of their misconceived perception of what marriage means. I think these people should look at our Indian society and Indian men should learn from gays here. Me and a lot of my neighbors voted against that awful amendment as we don't want to deny that right to anyone who yearns for it." Even though her ideas were a bit outdated she made sense to me. Eventually I guess acceptance did find me but from a most unlikely source. 

Now in less than two weeks this issue is again on the ballot and I hope people will start thinking about it. Keith Olbermann once said " Your marriage (heterosexual marriage) only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling.
With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?."
When everyone casts their vote, be it for the presidential election or for gay marriage, I hope people do realize that their vote has repercussions all over the world. Every small step America takes towards human rights will give solace and hope to millions all around the world.